friends.
Just to let you know, dear friends, that I miss you lots. Terribly lots. I hope we can skype super soon. Kthxbye xxx
safe travels poppet xxx
Nature is just awe inspiring.
I’m your girl.
Alana, poppet, munchkin and dearest of dear friends. What a year it was. I am so glad we both got through it, in one way or another and in our own ways. I love this honesty - I’ve been struggling with really opening up with family, friends and more importantly, myself. I’m slowly scratching away and with crazy baby brain {toddler brain} I’m sure I will get there too and be honest like you. You’re such a beautiful and gorgeous friend, I hope we can skype {once a month if we can} and I wish you and your Mr all the happiness in the world on your {another} new adventure together. I will miss you. Lots. Much love always xoxoxo
P>S CLOTHES!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I’m your girl.
Escaping the happiness trap
As I’ve said before 2011 was a tough year in my household. Now I’m usually pretty open about what’s going on in my life (my rule is something hasn’t really happened until I’ve told someone about it) but in 2011 a lot of things happened that I didn’t talk about. This is because there’s an exception to my rule, and that is that when things feel really out of control I don’t talk about them. It isn’t because I don’t trust other people, or that I don’t want help. It’s just that I’m so busy running from the truth of the situation that I can’t acknowledge what’s happening to myself let alone tell anyone else.
So what happened in 2011? I took on too much. I took on full time uni and almost full time work. Between uni and work I struggled to get everything done let alone find time to spend with family and friends. And when I cut back work I struggled to pay my bills. On top of this I supported Mr through some serious depression, and then when things were better I he had to skip the country for a couple of months while I finalised our lease, found somewhere new to live and moved our house. This, while still trying to work and do 15,000 words worth of assignments before the semester ended. Needless to say everything fell apart.
While all of this resulted in some seriously crappy days in the end it’s meant that I’ve had to face up to some serious issues. I have anxiety. It’s really hard to admit it, but I do and it’s effected pretty much everything I’ve done, ever. For me it means that I run away from things. That’s why I can’t face up to things when they’re at their worst, and why I’m so terrible at asking for help when I need it most.
This post isn’t intended to be a pity party but rather my attempt to share. I’ve been reading The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and it has some interesting points. He argues that people just assume that being happy is a natural state of affairs despite the evidence that 30 per cent of people will experience some kind of psychiatric disorder in their lives and 10 per cent will experience depression. Harris suggests that this belief that happiness is natural makes people miserable because their own lives don’t measure up to it. So while I’m learning to be honest with myself, I thought I may as well be honest with others and put it out there to my friends, family and the world at large that I’m not always happy, but I’m okay with that.
I’d really like 2012 to be the year that I deal with a lot of this stuff. So if it’s okay with you guys I’d like to keep this new found honesty on a roll and share this journey with you.
On the road again
Moving house is often put on lists of the most stressful life events, and with good cause I might add. While Mr was away traveling around Asia waiting to get back into Australia on a tourist visa I was at home finding a new place to live, packing and unpacking, fighting with the old landlord, settling my cat in, reconnecting electricity and internet while trying to work and do full time uni. It was SUPER stressful.
I’m in the midst of organising everything for the move to the UK now and although it’s a bigger move in many respects the stresses it produces are different. Booking flights, organising a visa and changing my study plans have all been a bit nerve racking, but they all seem to be going well so far. What has been the most different from an ordinary move is the packing. It’s not as simple as tossing a few things and packing the rest to go to the new house. I’ve had to seriously cull all of my possessions. I’m taking only a quarter of my current wardrobe, maybe a tenth of my books, my photos, my artwork and a few sentimental objects. The rest are all going to be sold, thrown or given away. It’s quite confronting to go through all of your possessions and realise how little of them you actually need.
While all of that is quite stressful, it’s also quite liberating. How often do we truly get to start afresh in life? Particularly as unencumbered as Mr and I are going to be. We did talk about shipping more things over but both of us were excited by the idea of being able to live lightly for a while. Then, when we are ready to put down roots we’ll be able to do it together. All of our possessions will have a shared history, and our home will truly be our own.
While all of the little details of moving are a pain in the arse, what really makes it so stressful is change. Change of routine, change of job, change of weather, change of everything. And while that can be terrifying, it’s also an incredible opportunity to reshape your life. So while I’m sad to be leaving all of my things behind and saying goodbye to family and friends I’m incredibly excited to see what England will bring. We have lots of plans, and it will require a lot of hard work but I think it will all be worthwhile in the end.
P.S. If you need ANYTHING for your house or wardrobe you should talk to me. I’m serious about getting rid of it all!
So it seems…
Ha! It’s not me not hitting this up this time… Sarah. Oh, sarahhhhhhhhhhhh <3
30 by 30 - revisited
A lot has happened since I uploaded my 30 by 30 list so I thought perhaps it was time to review my goals and how many of them I have achieved. There are some highlights, and there are some lowlights but altogether I’d say that overall progress is satisfactory.
- Have a job that I love - Going back to uni was a huge step in the right direction here. I’m looking forward to seeing what England throws up in this department.
- Regularly spend time being creative - I can’t say that I’ve spent much time being creative, except perhaps in the Kitchen. This is still something I’d like to work on.
- Write regularly (blogwise and otherwise) - As with number 2.
- Listen to more music - I’ve started to get back into this a little bit in the last few months. I’m looking forward to using something like Spotify when we get to England.
- Develop an exercise regime - I did develop a good running habit for a while but I need to make it more of a priority as it definitely made me feel good. The good news is I’m over my fear of running and I think this will be easy to start up again.
- Cook more and take the time to enjoy it - Thom definitely helps in this department. We spend a lot of time in the kitchen trying out different foods and recipes. This is definitely a tick.
- Read more and own more books - Since being back at uni I’ve definitely been reading more and I hope to continue to do so. I don’t think I’d like to own more books at this point though. I don’t feel the urge to create a library like I once did (viva la Kindle!) and environmentally it’s better if I don’t.
- Create a home that I love coming home to and that is filled with love, life and laughter (and beautiful furniture) - I’m getting there on this one. We’ve had quite a nice home here in Sydney and it’s definitely been filled with love, life and laughter. I’m looking forward to doing it all again in England.
- Find someone to share that home with - Definitely a tick!
- Be better with money - Still not great with this one. Thom is much better so perhaps it will rub off on me.
- Be better about keeping in touch with friends - This is probably my weakest point and one which definitely needs to be worked on. (Sorry everyone!)
- Own better shoes - This got better for a while, and then I went back to uni and it got worse for a while. I’m determined to buy less shoes and buy better quality once I get to the UK though. I’ll need them to keep the wet whether away from my poor toes!
- Live in a more environmentally sustainable way - This is definitely getting better. I’ve already told Thom that we’re getting a bokashi bucket when we get to the UK.
- Live in a healthier way - This comes and goes with the exercise regime. It’s definitely been gone the last few months.
- Be more involved with my family - I’ve been better at this, but I could definitely improve. This will require some thought after we move. Damn time zones!
- Be bold - I’m moving to the other side of the world which is great and all, but the little things still need work.
- Know when and why I’m not being bold and know how to deal with it - As above. This is definitely something I want to work on in 2012. There may even be another blog on the way specifically for this…
- Have a regular skin/hair/body care regime - Like most things in my life I still seem to put off washing my hair, shaving my legs and plucking my eyebrows. But I don’t mind so much anymore. I still make myself presentable but I’m trying not to worry too much about how I look.
- Own a car - When I wrote this list I was living far from the centre of Sydney and reliant on a ridiculously long bus ride to get me anywhere. These days I’m less concerned about a car.
- Walk or ride a bike as much as possible - This. Definitely this. I can’t wait to be living in a more bike friendly city again!
- Work overseas again (but only in combination with number 1) - Soon to be a tick!
- Travel and see more of the world - Hopefully this will happen from the UK.
- Talk to more people - I’ve definitely been doing this and will have to do this if I’m to make friends once we move.
- Be open to everything - A half tick? I think I’m pretty good at this but feel like there’s probably room for improvement.
- Grow things - This is something I definitely want to do in 2012. I’ve been reading a lot about how greenery makes people feel better and I’d love to do it in a way which works in with goal number 2. I’ve been itching to build a terrarium for ages!
- Appreciate how many wonderful people and things I have in my life and show it more often - This could ALWAYS be improved.
- Live less than 30 minutes commute from work - This was a tick when I lived in Newtown and we haven’t been too far off since we moved. It’s definitely something we’ll be thinking about in the UK. That and proximity to good places to job and exercise!
- Learn a language - Not yet, but definitely still a goal.
- Grow older and wiser but stay young at heart - I like to think this is happening so far, but time will tell I guess.
- Do more of the things that I admire in other people - Studying sustainability and making the decision to move to the UK are definitely things I would admire in other people. I think I might be getting there.
Overall although I haven’t ticked off much from this list I feel like I have my priorities in order. Although it’s not perfect I love the life that I have with Thom and I feel like we’re on the same page about many of these goals. At this point age only seems to have made me happier, so bring on 30 I say!
Dear Pals
I miss you both. Somehow, I seem to be the only one stalking this little hub of LOVE. Whys that? Probably bored. Although I’ve got a tonne of things to do, all I want to do is blog. Or stalk. And write love notes to my pals.
Miss you.
Ange.
P.s Funny moment: Middle of the night, fast asleep. Yelled “Bonjour” fully asleep and scared the crap out of Mr H. Wasn’t even dreaming about Paris. Weird. Don’t remember it either. I laughed though. Ahhhhhh Paris. Je t’aime.
one day girls.. lets dream… or i’ll just dream & drooooooool about it ;)
(via youngfolksociety)
